Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
