And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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