Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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