Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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