girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
