on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
