your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
