Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
