I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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