i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You dont lie about slip and slides
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
