i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
