my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
i think i just lost a toe
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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