I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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