Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
