why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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