yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
