he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
