There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
