Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
nutella sex= disaster
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
