Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
