shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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