At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
