we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
