every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
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