I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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