if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
