He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
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