Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
