So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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