Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
