what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
