the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
