dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
