Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
