no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
