he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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