WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
