I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
