We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
