are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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