So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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