Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
