She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
