the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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