Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
