Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Are we still banned from the library?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
