I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
