the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
