My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
