We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
