escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
