A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
