i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
