Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It's shark week go big or go home
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
