Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
